I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
