that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
