Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
