he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
