look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
