we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So squirting runs in the family.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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