I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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