I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
