4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
His nipple licking is glorious
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