It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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