:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
