also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
