i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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