apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
