Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
