Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
