When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
