Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
