i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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