Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
