Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
