This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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