Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
