New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
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