his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
