I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
