so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
