I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
