After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
