Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
