She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
