It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
