Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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