i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
