My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
