I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
