the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
