i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
