I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
