Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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