I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
