She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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