just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
