Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
