please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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