The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
