farters have to be the big spoon...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
