Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
