His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
