I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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